Triggered Read online

  Triggered

  Vicki Grant

  Copyright © 2013 Vicki Grant

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced

  or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including

  photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system now

  known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Grant, Vicki, author

  Triggered / Vicki Grant.

  (Orca soundings)

  Issued in print and electronic formats.

  ISBN 978-1-4598-0529-3 (bound).--ISBN 978-1-4598-0526-2 (pbk.)

  ISBN 978-1-4598-0527-9 (pdf).--ISBN 978-1-4598-0528-6 (epub)

  I. Title. II. Series: Orca soundings

  PS8613.R367T75 2013 jC813’.6 C2013-902341-0

  C2013-902342-9

  First published in the United States, 2013

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2013906261

  Summary: After Mick breaks up with Jade, his sense of responsibility for her

  younger brother keeps pulling him back.

  Orca Book Publishers gratefully acknowledges the support for its publishing

  programs provided by the following agencies: the Government of Canada through

  the Canada Book Fund and the Canada Council for the Arts,

  and the Province of British Columbia through the BC Arts Council

  and the Book Publishing Tax Credit.

  Cover image by Masterfile

  ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS ORCA BOOK PUBLISHERS

  PO Box 5626, Stn. B PO Box 468

  Victoria, BC Canada Custer, WA USA

  V8R 6S4 98240-0468

  www.orcabook.com

  16 15 14 13 • 4 3 2 1

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Mick

  Chapter One

  We’re alone. Jade’s mother is working the night shift. Her little brother’s in bed. If I’m going to say anything, now’s the time.

  I close the window on my desktop. I stare at the blank screen and run the words through my head again. I thought I had it all worked out, but I’m not so sure anymore.

  Jade stretches out on the couch and wedges her toes under my thigh. She says, “My feet are cold.”

  I think, So put some socks on then, and right away I feel bad. I think things like that all the time now. Little stuff bugs me. The way she peels the bread off her sandwich and only eats the insides. The way she won’t laugh until someone else does first. Those sticky notes she puts on everything.

  I can’t chicken out again. It’s not fair to either of us.

  I slide my tongue across my teeth, then turn and look at her. She’s leaning her head against the arm of the couch. Her textbook’s propped up in front of her face. All I can see is the top of her ponytail.

  It’s weird. I haven’t been this nervous since the first time I saw her. I sat behind her on the bus looking at that yellow hair for months before I even had the guts to say hi.

  When I finally did, it was like pushing a button. I opened my mouth—and Jade started talking as if she’d known me forever. I barely heard a word she said. I just kept thinking, Now what do I do? (I didn’t have to worry. She had that figured out too.)

  That was a long time ago. I’ve spent almost all of high school with one girl. A nice, pretty, smart girl—but still, just one girl.

  I’ve got to do this.

  “Jade,” I say. She keeps reading.

  My mouth’s too dry to talk anyway. I swish some spit around and try again.

  “Jade?” She flops the book down flat on her legs and looks at me. She’s smiling, but not really. I should know better than to interrupt her when she’s studying. It’s that kind of smile.

  I say, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.” My voice sounds normal enough. It doesn’t crack or anything, so I think for a second this is going to be all right. I’ll say what I have to say, and it’ll probably be kind of awkward and sad, but then I’ll go home and we can both get started on the rest of our lives.

  That’s not what happens. Jade bolts up straight. Her mouth is still smiling, but her eyes have changed. She’s staring at me like she’s an owl or something.

  She totally throws me. “You’re a really…great person,” I say. It sounds so lame, like I’m reading a note someone else wrote.

  She says, “Are you breaking up with me?”

  Two sentences. That’s as far as I get, and already she knows.

  What am I supposed to say? Yes? I’m not that harsh. I wanted to talk about all the good things first. Ease her into it. Explain how this isn’t about her, how we’ve both changed, stuff like that.

  “Are you breaking up with me?” She says it louder this time. She’s wearing an old plaid shirt of mine. She pulls it closed at the neck as if I’m some stranger who caught her in her bathrobe.

  I go to say something about how much fun we’ve had together, but I don’t get very far. “Are you breaking up with me.” It’s not a question anymore. It’s an accusation. She’s practically yelling.

  “Jade,” I say. I want to calm things down, get them back on track. I stand up. I don’t know why. A reflex, I guess. After three years, I’m used to going to her when she’s upset.

  She freaks. “Don’t touch me!”

  She hurls her Biology book at me.

  I jump out of the way. It hits the coffee table, and there’s this huge clang.

  Stuff bounces off. A glass breaks.

  She’s screaming about what a prick I am and what a coward and how I’m so selfish and I’m only doing this because my friends never liked her, and the whole time I’m just standing there with my hands up like I’m under arrest or something.

  I’m almost relieved when I see Gavin standing in his bedroom doorway. Jade turns to look. He starts to wail.

  He drops his stuffed kangaroo and runs straight to me. He puts his arms around my leg. “Why are you guys fighting? Don’t fight. Don’t fight.” Little kids crying like that will break your heart. They don’t hold back. It’s the end of the world for them.

  Jade grabs the collar of his pajamas and rips him away from me. “Don’t, Gavin. Let go! Mick doesn’t like us anymore.”

  The look on his face. That was the worst. How could she say that to him?

  I say, “Jade. No! Gavin…”

  She slaps my hand away. “That’s what you said!”

  “I didn’t.”

  “That’s what you said.”

  She won’t let me talk.

  “You did so. And now you’ve upset Gavin and he’s going to get a migraine and he’ll probably throw up and there’s school tomorrow and I’ve got a biology test and I’m going to be up half the night looking after him. So why don’t you just get the hell out of here before you screw anything else up?”

  Gavin is covering his ears with his hands and sobbing into Jade’s side. She’s rubbing his back and glaring at me.

  I grab my laptop and go.

  I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I am a c
oward.

  Jade’s Diary

  Chapter Two

  February 26

  No, it’s not. It’s three in the morning, so that makes it February 27.

  What a night!! I just got Gavin settled down. I should go to bed myself, but there’s too much going on in my head. I have to write it out.

  It’s probably a good thing Gavin had a migraine. (Not for him, of course ) I couldn’t get all worked up over my own problems. I had to take care of his. It gave me a chance to cool down. Things look different now.

  The truth is, I’ve known something was up with Mick for a while. There was that poker game he went to with the guys even though we had a movie planned.

  Then there was that time he got all pissy just because I made the server take my salad back and that other time he “wanted an early night.” I had the feeling he wasn’t answering all my calls anymore either.

  I couldn’t figure it out. This wasn’t the Mick I knew. We used to spend every waking minute together. We were the perfect couple. Everyone said that. Then, suddenly, he was like, “Sorry, Jade, I’m doing something with Quinn.”

  “Sorry, Jade, but it’s only five dollars. Don’t go getting the waitress in trouble just because you asked for dressing on the side.”

  “Sorry, Jade. I didn’t hear my phone.”

  I thought I’d done something wrong. I racked my brain to figure out what—and tonight I got the answer. I realized it wasn’t what I did. It was what I didn’t do.

  I’ve been so busy lately with homework and work and looking after Gavin and applying to nursing school that I haven’t had time for Mick. He’s probably worried I don’t care anymore, scared he’s going to lose me. If he were someone else, he might have tried to talk to me about it, but Mick’s not a talker. Instead, he struck back in the only way he knew how—by deliberately provoking me. It’s like he’s going, “See? I don’t need you either.”

  I understand that now—although the sad thing is he does need me. Mick’s got two parents, three grandparents, a brother and a sister, but the fact is, he doesn’t really have a family. Not the way Mom and Gavin and I do.

  We don’t have the big house or the big family reunions or the big trips down south every year, but we do talk to each other. We care about each other. At the Staynors’ you’re lucky if you hear “Dinner’s on” or “Don’t leave your hockey gear in the hall.” That’s their idea of a heartfelt conversation. No wonder Mick always wants to hang out in our crappy little apartment instead of at his place.

  When I realized that, I was all ready to call him and say how sorry I was for hurting his feelings, but then Gavin threw up and I didn’t have the chance. Now I’ve changed my mind. I am sorry—but I realize that even mentioning Mick’s feelings would be wounding him again. He’s a guy. He doesn’t want to look like a wuss.

  So I’m just going to let this go. I’ll give him a little space. I’ll act like we both need to chill out. I want him to be able to come back to me when he’s ready—and with his dignity intact. Too bad it wasn’t intact tonight.

  Oops. I didn’t mean that. Neither of us behaved as well as we could have, and I know he feels badly for what he did to Gavin. Emotions were running high—and hey, we all have our bad days now and again.

  Speaking of which, tomorrow’s going to be hell. Bio, Chemistry AND Math. Plus I’m cleaning Mrs. Crespo’s apartment after school. I’ve GOT to go to sleep!

  Note to Self

  1. Iron pink shirt.

  2. Talk to Mr. Panjvani about a reference letter.

  3. Finish yearbook write-up.

  Mick

  Chapter Three

  Quinn slams into the locker and slides onto the floor. He’s supposedly laughing so hard, he can’t stand up. I want to kill him.

  I poke my head out from behind the pop machine and look down the hall. He goes “Peekaboo!” then chokes on his own hilariousness. He starts wheezing and hacking like he’s some eighty-year-old bingo player.

  I make sure Jade’s gone, then I swear at him and walk over to my locker. I know she saw me.

  I shove him out of the way with my foot so I can get my stuff. “You sat on some gum,” I say. He jumps up all indignant, like someone put it there on purpose. I’d laugh, but I’m still too pissed off.

  A couple of kids walk by and do it for me. Quinn twists his head over his shoulder and starts picking the gum off his butt.

  “You know,” he says, “when you told me you broke up with Jade, I thought, All right. The man’s finally grown a pair. But no such luck. I mean, what is it now—three weeks later? Four? And you’re still playing hide-and-seek?”

  I get out my World History books. He can talk all he wants. He doesn’t know what it’s like.

  He stretches the gum out into a long gray scuzzy string. It’s gone from someone’s mouth to the hall floor to Quinn’s ass. It grosses me out just looking at it.

  He snaps it off. “Either go back to her or get over it,” he says, “because, frankly, this is pathetic.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “It is.” I look at him rolling the gum in his hands as if that’s what we’re talking about, then head down the hall without him.

  I don’t hear a thing Ms. Hamilton says all class. I’ve got to smarten up. I need a good mark in World History, but my mind’s not there today. I keep thinking about Jade. I know breaking up with her was the right thing to do. It’s not that. We were too far gone to fix. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about her.

  I hate running into her. She looks like hell. She’s so skinny and sad.

  The worst thing, though, is she makes me think of Gavin. I keep picturing his face the last time I saw him. He was sobbing like I’d drowned his dog or something.

  But what can I do? I can’t go back with Jade to make her little brother happy. I can’t go back with her so she won’t lose any more weight. I’ve just got to tough it out. We’ll get over it.

  The bell rings. Poli-sci is next. The fastest way there is by the east stairs, but that’s the way Jade goes to French. I can handle being in English with her. I mean, it’s not like I have any choice. But I’ve got to avoid her the rest of the time. Quinn can laugh all he wants. I know myself. I’ll cave if I’m not careful.

  I take the west stairs. I skip the last two steps, turn the corner and almost run right into Jade.

  We both jump back as if we hit an invisible force field. Jade squeals. I drop my binder. Papers go flying. She kneels down to get them at the exact same time I do, and we bonk heads.

  We both say, “Sorry,” then kind of laugh. People are stampeding to class. We’re crammed between the wall and a recycling bin. It’s really awkward. We’re trying to pick everything up before it gets trampled. Our hands keep meeting, but our eyes don’t. If you didn’t know we’d just broken up, you’d think we’d just started going out.

  Shaun Eckler walks by. He says hey to us, then turns and whispers to Carson Ng.

  Jade notices too. She flicks her head their way and rolls her eyes. We both know what they’re thinking.

  We get up. She hugs her book against her chest and says, “Gee, what are you doing way over here?” She makes it sound like a joke.

  I try to come up with some excuse, but I’ve got nothing. I shake my head like, “Who knows?”

  She laughs and says, “Personally, I was trying to avoid you. Lot of good it did me.”

  Now I laugh. It’s a relief to get it out in the open. We stand there, shuffling our feet and sort of smiling at each other.

  “Well. Nice running into you,” I say.

  “Run into. Ha. Ha.” She looks good with a little life in her face again. “You and your old-man puns.”

  The hall’s full of people. It’s probably not the best time to say this, but I do anyway. “Think we could be friends again someday?”

  She clicks her tongue. “Of course! Friends would be great.”

  She reaches out and touches my hand with her finger. She doesn’t look at me. “You know…I’ve h
ad some time to think about this, and it might sound weird, but I’m glad we broke up. Honestly, I don’t have time for a relationship now, especially with GooGoo being so sick and everything.”

  “Gavin’s sick?”

  “Oh, you know…” She wobbles her head back and forth. “Long story. I’ll tell you later.”

  The bell rings.

  “How sick?” I say, but Jade’s already backing away from me down the hall.

  “Got to go. Sampson deducts points if you’re late.” She waves her fingers at me, but then stops and kind of pouts. “Look at you. Don’t worry, silly! They’re probably just migraines,” she says. “It’s highly unlikely it’s a tumor.”

  Jade’s Diary

  Chapter Four

  March 22

  It’s been ages since I wrote, and there’s so much to say. The big news is I ran into Mick today. (Wearing the blue hoodie I gave him for Xmas! That’s no accident.)

  He was coming down the west stairs and practically plowed right into me. (Clearly, great minds think alike.) You should have seen his face! He went pale, then he went pink, then he just kind of gazed at me in this really deep way. I might have had my doubts before, but not anymore. Looks don’t lie. Mick still loves me.

  Too bad everything’s so weird now. There’s nowhere for us to go and work this out. It’s all so, I don’t know, unnatural or something. We can’t have a “normal conversation” in English Lit. The entire class is watching our every move. (I really wish we’d been lower profile before. Nobody talks about how Amy Norman and Jordan Mancini’s relationship is going.)

  Getting together after school doesn’t work either. I’m too busy. We’d have to arrange an actual date—and I can tell Mick’s not ready to put himself on the line like that yet. (Life would be so much easier without the male ego always getting in the way.)

  Then, of course, there’s the whole bizarre Quinn Poulos thing. Seriously, he hovers over Mick like he’s his grandmother or something. It’s almost funny. You’d swear I was some wicked woman plotting to steal the poor boy’s virtue. How can we relax with Quinn practically wiretapping everything we say?